I Got a "Golden" Ticket

Kidding.  I got a speeding ticket. Shitballs. Is it just me, or do you also secretly hope the officer is writing you a nice note on personalized stationary? 

Life has been a deranged mess the last two weeks. Because I've had like NO sleep, free time, or enough wine caffeine to keep me from taking the elevator to the roof and thinking about jumping. But let's be honest, even that seems like too much work at this point. I've lost track of the days, and the fact I shower and put on clothes should be rewarded with a Nobel Peace Prize.  But more on that later. 

Perhaps its the fact I just have zero motivation to be present in life today, the thought of my bed and pj's dancing in my head.  Maybe it's because I drank ALOT of wine last night to numb the fact I've been treating my body like a truck stop for the last two weeks, have no clean underwear, and it smells like something died inside my kitchen - yet I'm too lazy/tired to care at this point. Or, possibly because as I did the "walk of shame" this morning (more on this later too, haha) and he rolled over to sleep for thirty more minutes. That, folks is why people commit crimes.  Just saying.

Have you ever gotten of a speeding ticket? What's the most "creative" way you've gotten out of one?