(on my need to snuggle 24/7)
"Sharing a bed with you is like concentration camp"

(as I packed for a work trip)
"I cant wait till you leave so I can eat frozen pizzas in my pajamas"

(every time we have vegetables)
"You are the no fun wife"

(walking by a restaurant)
"Oh, we gotta try this place soon. Wait, vegan? I'm not going there"

(when he used silpat we got as a wedding gift as a plant stand)
'What's the big deal, the cutting board is fine as a plant rest"

(hearing me fall)
"Did you tear up the wall?"

(on my house rule to always have a bottle of champagne in the fridge)
""Who are you, Jay-Z?"