-- on my outfit dujour
Mark: wow, those pants are really tight.
Me: their leggings
Mark: ok, but they are really tight

--while passing him my clutch
Me: Hold my clutch
Mark:
Me: hold my clutch, please?
Mark: ok, but what IS it?

-- ordering coffee
Mark: I want that coffee we had in France
Me: cafe au lait
Mark: ok
Me: (talking to the barista) he'd like soy milk
Mark:
Mark: I can't believe you ordered for me, and -- soy milk?!
Me: that's how you drank it everyday I made coffee runs
Mark:

-- on going wedding band shopping
Mark: oooh yeah, I'm getting me a hand band

--upon entering a kids birthday party
Mark: there's kids here

--coming home to him eating dinner, without me
Me: are you eating without me?!
Mark: yes
Me: well don't you think I'd like to eat too??
Mark: I don't know what weird diet you're on today

--while shopping in the women's section
Mark: what's this, an under dress?
Me: that'd be a tunic  (as lady standing within ear shot, mouth agape, and giggling looks on)